10 posts tagged “running”

Mr. Lawyer called again last night before I went to the gym. I asked him when he was going to just STOP. What was the point of the phone calls? The visits? Any of it? He says he doesn't know what he wants and yet he's the one who broke my heart. He still wants to talk to me, see me, hang out with me and I don't know why. When I ask, he says he just enjoys being around me. So, then why did you break up with me asshole? He doesn't seem to have an answer for that.

I'm over feeling angry so I've just been very level-headed and honest with him about the whole thing and how it makes me feel. Instead of acting like I don't care about him, I just ask him over and over if he understands what he does to me when he calls all the time and if he realizes how hard that it is for me to get over it and move on. He says he's not sure that we're over forever - well what are you sure of?

A part of me (obviously) still wants him back in my life but another part of me questions his motives. And when I tell him that up-front, he seems offended like I should know that his intentions are good. I feel like there is no way for me to know that - he didn't communicate with me when we broke up and he was pretty rude about the whole thing.

I am not sure how I feel right now. I am not sure I could trust him to be dependable and there for me.

On another note, I blew off The Reverend (yet again!!!) last night. I mean we didn't exactly make plans or anything but he seemed all disappointed that I couldn't make time for him last night or tonight. I guess he leaves for a week on Wednesday. I had legitimate excuses for not hanging out. Monday was Monday - I wanted to go to the gym after work and organize/clean my life and apartment. And tonight, I'm headed to the Giant's game with the girls. I'm not sure how I feel about someone being so needy and dependent all the time so we'll see if this last another date or not. He's gone for a week on Wednesday....that will give me some much needed space/time.

Tomorrow night, I have a date with Mr. Midwest. We're meeting at Bin38 after I get back from track. We'll see how that one goes.

Excited for the game tonight - almost time!! WOO HOO!

I did some major retail therapy yesterday and realized break-ups can be good for one thing. I bought my very first size 24 pair of Seven jeans ever!!! I'm so excited. I know many people would wonder why the f* I care...and if you do, well just know that I'm a total girl about these things.

I had time to kill before meeting Mr. Analyst (the guy I met in NYC during my client's media dinner) and his friends frmo business school for drinks. We were meeting at the Westin on Market so I figured I'd go to Bloomie's since it was only a block away. Bad move. I spent way toooo much. But, maybe it was just what I needed.

Anyway, met up with Mr. Analyst and his buddy at the Westin bar, Ducca and had a couple of glasses of wine. Then, we went to Ozumo and had this amazing sushi dinner and sake. YUM!! We closed down the place talking....it was totally fun...and the best part was, I got out of there without spending a dime. When I glanced at the open bill (about $400), I thanked the lord that it wasn't my card going in there. :)

Tonight, I'm headed out with Mr. English boy for dinner but can't stay out late. I have a race in the morning and have to be up early and ready to run...

Tomorrow is also sailing day..we'll see how it all pans out.

His alarm was going off on his phone this morning while he was in the shower and when I went to shut it off, his messages were open on his phone (I know, I know). Anyway, there are messages on there between him and this chick about grabbing a drink together last night while I was at track practice. Thing is, I know she’s single, and cute. And the fact that he never mentions her or mentions hanging out with her to me, makes me very upset and I feel like he’s lying and doing things behind my back. And the weirdest part, is that there were messages for the same thing last Wednesday night while I was at track (yes, I scrolled a little farther).

They didn’t meet up last night or so it seems but they were definitely talking about it. They definitely DID meet up last week and had drinks. What would you do? Confront him? Or just leave it?

Ugh - I feel like I can't breathe today. Its like its starting all over again.

Mr. Lawyer kind of screwed up today. Maybe my expectations are too high or maybe its because I am a closet romantic.  Or maybe its because I always act like I'm NOT into holidays or mushy crap (when I secretly live for that shit).

So last night (in accordance with my new get my FAT ASS into shape plan), I went running and then to Bikram yoga. Yes, I'm back at yoga (shoot me). I felt really good & productive - ended up cleaning my room afterwards till it was spotless, removed all his shit from my couch and cleared out one drawer for him to store his boxers, socks, t-shirts and jeans, and then took a long,  hot shower and chilled with my book. Mr. Lawyer was a show for some band he likes with his friend G. He had invited me to go but I declined so I could have some peace and whip my ass into shape. He calls me around 11:15 asking if I'd come pick them up from Mezzanine where they had been watching the show - and my first reaction was WHAT?!!! YOU'RE a DAMN LAWYER!!! TAKE A CAB. But, instead I relunctantly agreed to pick them up. I dragged myself out of my bed and pried myself away from my book (sadly) and drove down to Market & 5th.  His friend G is a nice enough guy but he's by no means pleasant.  And I guess I can't even really say he's "nice," I think its more like consistently rude and sarcastic. Like the type of person who smiles so rarely, that if they do, you think a penguin will land next to your feet. Anyway, G is annoying me in the car and I'm in rare evil form. Not speaking. Not listening. Trying to make Mr. Lawyer understand how "put out" I was by the whole situation. He got the point. After we got home, he thanked me and apologized profusely. I decided to get over it.

This morning, I got in the shower while he was still in bed. When I got out, I noticed he'd placed a small red box in my spot on the bed. He told me to open my card. My heart fluttered. And then it stopped. The card was cute but by no means worth a heart flutter. I've been wanting a puppy but can't have one in my apartment so he got my a card with a puppy and a heart on the front - and on the inside, "Sit, Relax, and Be My Valentine..." and in his hand-writing below: Since I couldnt get you a real dog. The little red box was chocolate from a little chocolate boutique on my street, Moonstruck (it is pretty yummy stuff).

After I thank him for the card and proceed to get ready for work, he asks me what time my hair cut is at (even though I've told him about 12 times). He says, "oh, anyway you can change that..." I am thinking - "oooohhh, what does he have planned?" Only its another unneccessary heart flutter. I say I'll try but I doubt it...and then ask why...he says he wants to do an early dinner and then go to this thing he has tickets for. Heart still fluttering. What tickets? Then he tells me - and I look at him like he's retarded - he says, "this woman, some TV lady is speakign about foreign affairs tonight in Marin and my boss got tickets. I was hoping we could go." What? Foreign affairs on my romantic holiday? No, no, no and NOOOO!!! So, I say, sorry I think the hair cut is happening. He says, cool and I offer that he just go without me (now, thats a test if I've ever heard one). Luckily, he wont go without me.

So why am I so dissappointed? We still haven't said those three little words, he didn't actually have anything planned for tonight - just winging it for dinner and then watching a speaker talk about foreign affairs and no ridiculous and embarrassing display of flowers. I know, its a dumb Hallmark holiday - but whatever - I'll be dumb and bent out of shape about it if I want.

Fuck Valentine's Day.

Mr. Lawyer and I were getting to the point where the bed became our kitchen, work space, exercise room. We were getting to that point of giddy comfortableness where there was never any question where he'd sleep that night, his things all over my room, giggling all the time, touching each other, snuggling, looking at one another.

He even slipped up the other night and I think kind of accidentally told me he loved me. It was so awkward I pretended not to hear it and just kind of went on with the conversation not because I dont love him but because I dont think he meant to say that just yet. And I would mean it if I said it, I love him, but I am not reaady to be that vulnerable. I can't handle the rejection if I say it and he doesnt say it back. Hell to the no.

Last night, I cooked him dinner and some friends came over. We had fun - drank some wine, laughed, talked about inappropriate things, teased one another - I thought we were all good. After my friends leave, we're in the  bedroom doing our thing and lately its been so good - oh so good - so I thought it was ok to finally get a little adventurous. I broke out my little pink battery operated friend and said, "now give it to me..." and poor thing got nervous as f* and it was all over. Dammit. I think I scared him just a little. I don't think he's ever had anyone break out the toys. I'm not even sure he's been in a sex shop. I won't bring it out again - or at least not any time soon - unless he brings it up. Its good enough without it anyway and I'd rather him be comfortable. But dammit - if he loosened up - he'd probably really enjoy what my little friend can really do. Har Har Har.

He's on his way over right now and I almost feel like pulling out the "I've got cramps" or "I'm on my period card" because well, ok, so I'm super stressed about bills, expenses, rent, everything to do with not having any money to spend and its making me stress eat. I stress ate today like  no one's business so I went running late night - tortured myself with a good workout - but now I just sort of feel weird - stress eating and then working out equals little party girl wants to vomit up her insides. Yuck. Puke. Gross. And not only do I feel like puking but I don't want to be naked unless its pitch ass black in my room. I'm not always this nuts - I think I'm close to really using that excuse and work is super stressful given its a new year, etc and well, its just a tough time financially. Bleh.

Yikes, I need to stop rambling and get down to business before he gets here. hahaha. TMI bitches.

Now, I am just rambling.

After a week of feeling sluggish and eating way too much, I've decided to get back on the horse. I started by grocery shopping (something I literally haven't done in 3 months) and buying some healthy food to keep at work. Then, I went and signed back on for Bikram yoga and took my second class this week (took one Sunday night too).  And then got up at 5:30 this morning to get my ass to the gym for spinning and a short ab workout.  Next, I'm going to a sculpting class and then tonight will be another round of Bikram. I've decided its been long enough since my last ultra marathon and I've got to get back in the game (aka in the shape I like to be in). 

Plus, the benefits of eating better, getting back in shape are that I will feel more confident naked. And what's better than feeling sexy when you're naked and lying next to a hot guy...???

Mr. Lawyer (I caught myself typing his real name) is still sick - poor guy - I went over late last night after the Hills finale and fondue party at my friend's house to take care of him. He sounded terrible - was up coughing all  night - kept me up much of the night - but that's ok, it just means next time I'm sick, he'd better be there to take care of me. He does the strangest things in his sleep sometimes. On a few occasions, he has twitched so  bad that he's literally smacked me in the face. Last night, he jerked up and actually bonked heads with me - OUCH! Of course, he's not doing that on purpose and always apologizes (was concerned he'd bruised me last night) but its pretty funny. I've never known anyone to twitch and jerk so much in their sleep. Its actually kind of amusing now that I think about.

When I left him early this morning, I kissed him on the forehead, said goodbye, told him to feel better and then without even thinking - I almost dropped the L bomb. Thankfully, I caught myself. Or maybe not thankfully. I know I've said I'm working on opening up - and I am - but I want to be sure its the right time before that comes popping out of my mouth!

Anyway, back to work...

 Mr. The Friend Guy and I went on a run last night after work. We had a nice conversation and he's so great. I wish I could like him like him but at this moment in time, I don't. He wants to run again on Sunday and then make dinner - I think that's a date....ugh.....

Anyway, after the run I went to my girl's place in my running clothes (again) and we chilled and drank some wine. Her love interest Mr. Salesdude came over with his buddy Mr. Cup of Joe.  Mr. Cup of Joe was apparently interested in me and they were both fun guys. We had some wine, some laughs and then I had to take off to grab Mr. Lawyer to Be from his place. His car broke down so I agreed to go and get him.

I spent most of the car ride talking on the phone to an old friend. I didn't mean to be so rude - the call was just really bad timing. :) Anyway, we got back to my place and he was so sweet. We didn't do anything - we just talked - but not about the other night and all the shitty things I said but about our days, lives, etc. It was so nice. I couldn't sleep this morning so I went on a REALLY early run - we're talking leaving the house before 5. I woke him up around quarter till 7 and then drove him to work. We got there so early that he suggested we have some breakfast first - so sweet. He just emailed me the nicest thing..."Ps - you look hot every morning!" Melt.

Psycho hose beast is getting more psycho by the moment. I don't even know what to say about that.

The last two night have been fantastic. Pure bliss. Mr. Lawyer to Be came over the last couple of nights on the later side. He was working downtown till late and one of the nights I went to the gym late and the other night I was at a networking event till late. Both nights, he came over, drank a beer and sat up and talked with me for a few hours. The first night, I fell asleep sometime while we were sitting there. He was sweet, turned off lights and cuddled with me. I had to be up at the crack of dawn (date with the gym) so we parted ways early. He gave me a sincere goodbye - a kiss - not awkward, finally. The next night we did a little more than cuddle. :) And, its only getting better.

Mr. Juliard called me yesterday while I was on my way to the networky event. He wanted to know if I'd like to attend a college party with him tonight. I had to decline. I have a really important meeting tomorrow - ugh - and I can't be in anyway tired or hungover (work is disrupting my party girl ways). He understood. He called again this afternoon and wants to run with me (haha, good luck to him).  We're meeting in Hillsborough (near his parent's house) and running on a trail over there on Sunday morning. He suggested that afterward we might go by his parent's house to swim? Depends on if its rainy, I guess. It's super ugly out today...

On Friday, Mr. Lawyer to Be is coming over for dinner. Well, him and a bunch of my friends. And yes, I'll be cooking. And then Saturday, Mr. Lawyer to Be and I are headed to the Cal game...a whole weekend of one guy and then Sunday morning wtih another (heheheh)??? Oooooppps!!!

Problem and confusing part is - Mr. Juliard and Mr. Lawyer to Be are sharing more than just me - they also share the same name. :)

Haircuts can be so refreshing! I feel like a new girl today.  Last night, I stayed in because I was tired and got back from Sacramento pretty late (had dinner with my mom, haircut, did some shopping, etc)....anyway, I was super productive today.  I went on a 2.5 hour run (yay, I'm finally buckling down on my training), cleaned my whole apartment, got my nails and toes done...man, I feel good, refreshed and like new.

Tonight, Mr. Lawyer to Be is taking me out to dinner. Not sure where yet but we'll see.

Mr. Striking Blue Eyes is on a text messaging rampage this evening. Its getting pretty annoying. He's visiting a friend who happens to sort of "know me" and they've been talking about me so he felt compelled to write to me about our"status." Again, I tell him, "I'm not ready for status, told you that from the beginning"...and then the texts get whinier and whinier and fuck it, I'm going to stop responding.

Ugh - what's with labels though anyway? Last time I had a label I was someone's fiance and look where they got me. I don't need or want a label right now. I wish he'd just get off the subject. The only label I'd be happy with is "party girl..." only thing that even closely resembles who I am right now.

Gotta finish blowdrying the hair...excited for free food tonight.

After getting my mascara semi-on in the cab, I arrive at work for a very stressful Friday.  First, I've got a shit-load to do and second, my psycho hose beast ex has decided to write me threatening messages, call and text me every five minutes. I don't respond. Ugh.

So Mr. Striking Blue Eyes arrives at my office before I'm ready to leave. He waits in the car. I come running out, a little frazzle.  Anyway, after a long drive we arrive at the condo.  It has 4 bedrooms, a kitchen, and a deck with a hot-tub. This is truly the life. We go to the store for groceries, he pays, and then cooks me dinner. We drink wine and get in a heated conversation. He starts the psycho-analyzing thing (why do guys do that????) and I get annoyed. I've had enough wine to lace into him for it. He apologizes. We eat and then I'm tired and go crash.

Saturday, we wake up early and go on a nice, long run - about 2 hours through Tahoe - gorgeous. He trips me when we start the run. Literally, I go flying on the pavement. Somehow, I did some amazing roll and came out unscathed. We laugh about that most of the way. The day is looking pleasant. The fight from last night seems to be behind us. We get back from our run and get in the hot tub and drink mimosas for a couple of hours. Then, he goes and passes out in one of the bedrooms while I lay out on the deck and tan. I guess he couldn't hang. Oh, well. He wakes up and its time to get ready for the wedding. I'm not impressed by what he's decided to wear. But, again, oh well - I look good. At the ceremony, we sit next to this really good looking guy in Marc Jacobs shades. Yum. He ends up being someone Mr. Striking Blue Eyes knows from college and lucky for me, he doesn't know anyone else at the wedding. He walks with us to the reception and we're hanging out. And what's better - we're at the same table. The food is mostly beef - I haven't eaten all day - so needless to day, I get pretty trashed. At some point during the wedding I managed to give Mr. Marc Jacobs my number (he texted me yesterday) - sly girl that I am - although I can't tell you how because I don't really remember. Anyway, weddings are fun. We all know that. I don't have to tell you that we danced and got drunk.

I woke up Sunday morning with a headache and still in my dress. Oops. Mr. Striking Blue Eyes and I made out. Mediocre. He took me to breakfast - I whined about how hungover and hungry I was. Then, we drove  back to the city. Nice weekend. I go home and get some cleaning and work done. Then, Mr. Striking Blue Eyes calls and wants me to meet him and his two friends for dinner at Supenkuchen. Ok, more free food. I go. Not the best time. His friends were sort of strange. And - well, he drove me crazy. They were all a little drunk when I arrived. After dinner I grabbed a cab home. He kept texting me that night, trying to get me to come out. I said, cool it! I'm tired and busy! Geez. I think it might be time to cut him off.

Anyway, last night I just chilled. I went running with my good friend, made some food, read my book and chilled for the first time in a long time. Mr. Lawyer to Be called just to talk. We talked for about an hour about the weekend, plans for the week, and dogs (randomly). It was pretty sweet. He wants to hang out tonight. Trouble is, I have a date with Mr. Music Man. I'll have to take a raincheck with Mr. Lawyer to Be.

The life of a party girl...