52 posts tagged “lawyer”

I ran the Double Dipsea this weekend and came in second in my age group...but the best part was that Mr. Lawyer was there cheering me on at the finish line. Friday night, I was planning on going on a short jog to loosen my legs up and then was going to stay in and chill so that I would be well rested and hydrated for my race. He called and wanted to come over and chill with me which was nice. We ate dinner and then cuddled, had great sex and went to sleep. He also said he wanted to come to the race which was a surprise. He drove me there early in the morning, was being super sweet and kissing me, holding me in public. He said he would go surf while I ran and then be back to watch me cross the finish. I was a little nervous he wouldn't get back in time or show up but as I was coming in, I could hear his voice and I saw him standing there with his phone out taking a picture of me. When I got to the end of the finish, the volunteers were trying to take the stub from my bib to record my time and were mad at me for pinning it up so they couldn't easily tear it off. He was standing there trying to help and holding me as I was feeling a little shaky and sick - it was a really HOT day out there and one of the most challenging runs I've ever completed. Anyway, not only did he come and cheer me on at the finish line, but he also brought me a cooler full of ice cold Blue Moons. We stayed and drank a beer - watched my other friend finish - and then layed on the grass and waited for the award ceremony - he was insistent that we wait since I came in 2nd in my division. I've never felt more into him than I did at this moment - and while its scary and I may get hurt, I'm still really happy when I'm around him and don't want to push him away or out of my life.

We hung out the rest of the day - he napped, I did some errands. We used my new toy (thank to N who sent it as a joke) and then got ready to go out to dinner. We had reservations at Pres a Vi in the Presidio. I was starving and it was very good. I had halibut and great wine. Afterward, we took a little walk and then decided to go to the bars. We went to Mauna Loa and Balboa. He was being sweet but there have also been some things on my mind. At one point, he called me his girlfriend - but am I really his girlfriend yet? It doesn't feel like we're completely back together...I am enjoying "taking thing slowly."

Sunday, we woke up and went to church. Afterward, he suggested we go to Velo Rouge Cafe near his place and have mimosas and a little something to eat. He's been so fun lately. We watched the last few minutes of the soccer game, ate a bagel, drank mimosas and then headed over to the De Young to see the Chihuly exhibit. We had stopped at Safeway to get drinks because he was in the mood to drink before we went in. We had these disgusting drinks - similar to Sparks - but called Tilt. He kept toasting me and saying, "let's get tilted!" CUTE. The exhibit was awesome - we took a bunch of pictures to send to his grandma. He kept askign about my PTO as I think he wants to invite me to join he and his family in Florida later this summer.

WE got back from Chihuly and were starving. I made Ziti - it was bombtastic. Then, he wanted to get work done and wanted me to come with. We went to his office, worked adn then over to Y and C's to pick up my bridesmaid dress. He was being so amazing last night.

I was so exhausted when we finally got home - I think I passed right out. But woke up to all these strange nightmares - I actually screamed in my sleep. He held me tighter and asked me if I was ok. I don't know what that was all about - the strange dreams - but this morning was so tired, I slept through my alarm. I always hate to see him go in teh morning.

So things have been going well with Mr. Lawyer. I never did invite him to dinner at Epic - I decided to go on my own and have fun with my friends. He ended up calling me later that night and had us meet up with him and his friends. And, to my pleasant surprise - we had FUN.

The next day, we lazed around the apartment - cuddling, having phenomenal sex, and enjoying each other's company. I eventually got his ass up and made him go work out with me. By the time we got out and about, stopped at the bookstore and then finally the gym, we had very limited time left for our workout. We did a quick workout and then grabbed some food at Blue Barn - yum! Then, he dropped me off and said he'd be back in an hour to pick me up for the soccer game. The soccer game was awesome - saw David Beckham play - and basically just really enjoyed being there with him. Afterward, we were starving. It was late so we headed to Ace Wasabi's for sushi and sake since we knew it would still be open. We had a beer after dinner and decided to call it a night. Again, more amazing sex.

Sunday, we got up and went to church and then out to a nice lunch. He was exhausted for some reason and wanted to watch golf and nap so we went back to my place - golf, sex, and nap. I had made plans with my girlfriends to go to Mamacita's for dinner and he had work to do so we parted ways. He was text messaging while I was at dinner and since he was still at his office on my way home, I decided to bring him a doggy bag. He came home with me - again, more hot sex.

Then, I was busy until last night - literally swamped. Between soccer, track, working out,  hanging with friends, we didn't see one another until late yesterday evening. He spent the night - it was so good to finally see him - and then we had a nice goodbye this morning. I've noticed the less time I spend with him, the more he's interested in me. He's been IMing me while at work, made dinner reservations for us on Saturday, and said he WANTED to come out to my race on Saturday morning (shocker - since I didn't even invite him). He's being absolutely wonderful - I am on cloud 12.

I don't know what I'm doing but its working. I feel like we've rebuilt the connection. I am just going to continue to take things slow and let them take their course....

I'm ready for a verdict in the case of Jski versus Mr. Lawyer. We had a nice night two nights ago - a little wine at Bin38, nice conversation, and then extremely hot sex. We're still in the gray area and I hate it, I'm tired of it. My girlfriend Y is having a birthday dinner tonight at Epic Roasthouse which I'm super excited for. However, I'm not sure if I can invite him to be my date or not? I'm not sure if its off limits to hang two nights in a row since we're going to the soccer game tomorrow night? She made the rezzies for 5 which would include him.

Its almost the end of the day and I still haven't asked him about it. Ugh - shoot me now.

I had an interesting night last night to say the least...I had a happy hour event with my running club right after work at Kate O'Brien's downtown - there were about 30 or so of club people and friends of club people. The Reverend had been asking when we would hang again and when I told him I was doing the happy hour, he asked if he could meet me there. I said, SURE. So, we get there and I'm mingling with all my friends (guys and girls) and having fun. He knows several people in the club from races so I don't feel the need to babysit him or anything. Anyway, he gets kind of pouty, clingy and possessive and starts to drive me crazy. I'm thinking - BACK OFF - we went out like ONE time!!!

So after watching my Lakers lose (sniff, sniff), this guy B who was definitely trying to hook up with one of us girls invited my girlfriend C,  The Reverend and I for dinner. I accepted. We walked to this little Italian place, Umbria right by the bar and basically were kind of rowdy and raunchy talking about sex, vibrators, love, and everything in between. The Reverend was even more pouty at dinner - barely looking my way - obviously something bothering him. B paid for EVERYONE's meal - sweet deal if you ask me - and then we leave the restaurant and B and C say they're going to meet up with some folks at another bar. I tell them I'm just going to head home and they offer me a ride. The Reverend says he'll take me - I say, "are you sure? I thought you had plans in the Mission?" He says its fine. We get in the car and he starts complaining - "why did we have to have dinner with that douche bag? And why couldn't we have alone time?" and wah, wah, fucking wah. I say, "look, to be honest, I think you're great but you're moving way too fast for me. I'd like to hang out with you but we need to slow it down and maybe just see where things go from there.." Like the little child that he is (and mind you this is also after he had attempted to plant one on me), pulls over right by the Ferry Bldg (so obviously not close to my home) and says, "this isn't working." He more or less kicked me out of his car. I got sidewalked - which I must admit, is a FIRST.

So there I am...pissed the fuck off...standing on the Embarcadero late night and there is not a single cab in sight. I call my friend B (girl B) and it turns out she's across the street at Americano with friends. I go and join them for a bit and then share a cab home later. At Americano, she helps me write a text to the fabuolous and charming Reverend...and it goes a little something like this (mind you, there was champagne involved in the writing of this text):

"I hope you know you are an ASSHOLE...classy move to leave a girl on the sidewalk at night alone...Grow up Reverend - or go back to seminary school. I mean, seriously - WWJD?"

He never wrote back, apologized, or anything. I'm still pretty shocked that he acted that way but at least I know now...

My relationship with Mr. Lawyer is as complicated as ever right now. He says we're "together" but moving slowly. However, we don't feel very together to me. I feel like he tries his hardest to avoid me, spend very little time with me and then will make date plans with me a few times a week. I understand that he thinks we need to rebuild and do that slowly but since when is sleeping alone most nights of the week better than having sex often during the week? And not just sex, but being intimate with someone? I don't understand guys - I especially don't understand him. Is this really just the classic, "cake and eat it too scenario" or is this really "moving slowly" and "rebuilding/seeing if we can make things work.." I'm never quite sure what to think.

He's not dating - or at least he promises me, he's not dating - but then why so distant? Why let the past rule the future? To me, it seems the best way to rekindle and reconnect is to do just that - to figure out what went wrong and then make it right. I'm open to doing that which I've already told him. I want to spend time with him, show him how I care for him, not nag or argue with him and move on past the rut we fell into a few months ago. I know what mistakes I made and he says he's aware of the mistakes he made so why not MOVE ON? Why not actually give love a chance? Why live in a past that we are both agreeing was less than perfect on both our parts?

Ugh - I just want to feel secure and loved. I don't want to feel distance from him any longer. It isn't about him living at my place, sleeping with me every night - its about him wanting to see me, needing me, desiring me and not being able to go days without me. I just want to feel desired and know that he's thinking about me when he's lying in bed at night (even if he's not lying with me). I don't think that's unreasonable at all.

As if my life wasn't complicated enough, the Psycho Hose Beast Ex who recently came back into my life asking for forgiveness and understanding disappeared once again - wrote me a vague text message saying he quit his job and was moving back to his hometown in the South. He up and left and I thought I'd never hear from him again. And, today - here he is on my IM saying he's back in San Francisco and will I give him another chance?

I am not sure what it is about me that breeds these strange, less than perfect relationships. When I see happy couples around or the happy couples I know, it just makes me sad that I can't have that. It makes me think there's something wrong with my less than perfect self that infects every relationship I've ever been in.

I was supposed to head out to the lake on Saturday for some sun and wakeboarding with an old friend from high school so I had planned to stay in Friday night. As I was driving home on Friday afternoon, I passed Mr. Lawyer and noticed a girl in his car. He had told me he was going to a "work thing"  until 10. I freaked out. I text messaged him letting him know I had seen him, that he was an asshole, a liar and a jerk. He got back to me and assured me it was just his friend from high school that he was taking and nothing else. He said, please come out and meet us - I'm with her and her boyfriend. I want you to see that it wasn't a date - I promise. So of course, I'm still pissed, hurt, confused and decide to go. I have one beer and tell him I'm leaving. He says he will leave too. He follows me home and I am pretty short with him while he sits up in my room. On Saturday morning, I sleep through my alarm and its too late to go wakeboarding. We're cuddling, he's massaging my back and then all of a sudden, we're having hot, amazing sex. Like really hot and just oh so amazing! He doesn't want to get out of bed but I eventually make him and tell him I have things to go. He asks me to go to dinner with him later that evening. I leave to go run at  Mt. Tam - do about 16 miles or so - its blazing hot out but I'm feeling good and pumped to look good, no AMAZING for my date. I get home, rinse off and then walk around on Chestnut and Union St. hoping to score the perfect outfit for my date. I find this amazingly hot dress at Bebe, a little white coat and clutch to go with it. I look HOT.

He shows up at my place a little before our reservation and I come down the stairs feeling beautiful and confident. He immediately, says WOW - you look really nice. I'm thinking, of course I do, you twit. Ha. Anyway, we walk up to Terzo, this sort of modern Italian restaurant on Union with a really excellent wine menu. He orders a bottle of wine and we share the sea bass, chicken, a delicious arugula salad and warm pudding cake with vanilla ice cream. Everything things so natural, so good as we're talking and enjoying one another, the food and the wine. After Terzo, we head over to Nectar which is a wine bar (his choice). I have to pee like a race horse and run into the bathroom almost as soon as we get there. When I get back, there are two flights of red wine tastings on our table which is totally out of character of him - he was being cute and exciting. We do our tastings and decide to head out. He's holding my hand and pulling me in a different direction than my apartment. He says he wants to go for a walk. We walk down towards the Palace of Fine Arts holding hands, talking about what went wrong and how we feel. We try to sit on a bench but the sprinklers totally get us. He seems to be asking me to forgive him for the wrong he's done, and it seems he's asking me back and I feel like I'm floating. We walk back to my place eventually and it was like the most amazing sex ever - like we couldn't get enough of one another. More than ever - I realized how much I really do love him and how hard it is going to be if I lose him again.

Sunday, we're both up early for some reason and after more sex, decide to go to church. We stop and have coffee and read the paper and then head to the service. He holds my hand through the entire service. After church, I figured he'd have to back to the office to work and I ask him to drop me off at this salad/sanwhich place because I'm starving. He says, "let's get  brunch..." Again, out of character. We head over to Numa in the Richmond - apparently a Japanese restaurant that serves brunch. When the waitress comes and asks for our drink order, I tell her water is fine and he says, two mimosas please. Again, out of character. The food was less than spectacular but I didn't care. I was in heaven just being with him. After brunch, we drop off his car to get his tire repaired and they tell us it will  be a few hours before its ready so we head over to the USF campus to lie in the grass and enjoy the sunshine. He was being affectionate, stopping every few feet to kiss me on the lips, and incredibly just romantic (again, so out of character!!!). We layed together in the grass a few hours - dozing in and out of sleep - and just being in each other's arms. It was pure bliss. Then, the tire place called and we had to get up and walk back. He dropped me off at home and headed to work. He called me to say goodnight.

While we have no solution or decision, things feel good, no they feel GREAT. But I am afraid to get myself too worked up - I'm afraid he'll just pull the same shit again. I'm terrified I'm going to get hurt again but I really can't help the way that I am feeling right now. I guess I can't define what we are - Mr. Lawyer and I are on trial right now - and I hope the verdict is in soon.

I had to leave work a little early yesterday in order to rescue my wash and fold from the dry cleaners - it has literally been over a month since I've done laundry. Its not just laundry I'm lagging on, its everything. And I blame the break-up. Its like I have this "I don' t care" attitude when it comes to responsibilities including moving my car to avoid parking tickets. Not only have I been wearing dirty ass clothes to the gym for the past week but I've also accumulated about 8 parking tickets over this past month since the break-up after a string of NO parking tickets in something like 5 months. Crazy, how that  happens.

Anyway, after I retrieved my wash & fold, I decided to go and get my nails and toes did. I was relaxing in my chair when Mr. Lawyer called. He said he was on his way to some community group for church. We talk about how he basically acted like I didn't exist at the gym and how hard this has been. After we hang up and my nails are dry, I decide to call in sick to my date. I just wasn't feeling up to it. I walked to the grocery store got some refrigerated Indian food and made my way home for a relaxing night with my TV. It was just what I needed. Around quarter to 9, after a long conversation with my mom who just returned from Mexico, Mr. Lawyer called. We talked for several hours last night and even ended on a pleasant "good night" note.

In fact, most of the conversation was pleasant. We talked about everything, what was happening between us and opened up about the way we were both feeling. I told him I have to be mean to him right now - its defense - its trying to shield the actual pain and hurt I feel. He said he was hurting too. He said he had talked to his mom about the break-up for the first time and that she said that sometimes every good relationship needs to take a break to realize what's there. She said that she and his dad split up, got back together and then were married. He said maybe we just need time to realize if we're right for each other. Maybe he's right. I don't know. He said he wants to see me. He acted for the first time like he really did CARE that I was dating other people and got a little possessive - like tell that guy to back off - I  have to admit that made me feel good. So we've agreed to hang out again - like dinner and a drink - to talk and sort of "date" one another to see if we can't live without one another. I've decided that no matter what my friends say and even if this just ends in further heart break, I have to give love another chance. I can't just blow him off to do it. I still love him. I still want him in my life. And if there's still a glimmer of hope, I think I have to at least try. I'm not ready to just let him go.

So we'll see how things go from here. I'm not sure what will happen - could  be good or bad - but at least I will always know that I loved and took a chance on it.

I'm not saying I won't date other people. I'll continue to do that until he decides what he wants. I'm not just going to sit back and wait for him and I was honest with him about that. But I have to take him up on his offer to date and I have to trust that he really isn't looking for something better but taking time to make sure we're right.

Ugh - I wish it were easier than this.

Anyway, I think I will go wakeboarding in Sacramento this weekend...should be fun.

So last night, I went to dinner at Tres Agaves and then the Giant's game with a group of my girlfriends, A, A, C, N, Y and S. Y invited two of her co-workers to dinner as well which caused a slight panic being that the restaurant was crowded and we had only reserved a table for 6. Luckily, our waiter was pretty understanding and moved an additional table over to ours.

Anyway, as usual we're talking about men, relationships, and sex and my friend N mentions that she dislikes The Reverend (she has mentioned this before). Its a little irritating to me because the only reason she dislikes him is because he is a pastor and is liberal with his beliefs which I actually think is a pretty cool thing. Anyway, I tell her that's fine because its not like I'm in love with the guy or dating him exclusively or even sleeping with him! I mean, I'm just hanging out, or "dating" him - and what's the harm in that? I'm also "dating" like 8 other people. And as I am saying this, Y and N both kind of jump on me with, "don't go jumping back into a relationship.." And I'm irritated. I'm like, first of all, I didn't "jump" into my last relationship. I can't help it if I went out with him and needed to see him again, craved him, and then eventually fell in love with him. Sometimes you can't control who you love or when you love, it just happens. And, in my opinion, its nobody's business but your own, who you choose to date, love, marry, etc. As long as you're happy, that's all that should matter. So, I took offense and then was on defense. And when I get like that (especially when there's half a pitcher of margaritas at my disposal), it sort of takes over me for the rest of the night and I become a little bitchy - ok, a lot bitchy.

I was probably pretty snappy with them last night - in particular N and Y. I probably ignored them both a little during the game and they're probably slightly angry with me. But, its just like "back off!" All I'm doing right now is trying to heal. And for me, the best way to heal is to be social, is to be desired, and date. I am not one to lock myself in a room for a few weeks or cry myself to sleep every night. I mean, don't get me wrong - I still cry - I just choose to do it after a free dinner. I'm hurt. I'm still in love with Mr. Lawyer. I wish it were different. But I didn't "jump" into anything more than anyone else does. And I definitely don't judge my girlfriend's decisions to be or not be in relationships, to love or not love someone. I don't totally agree with all my friend's choices in men but that doesn't mean I say to their face, "I don't like him" or something to that extent.

I don't know. Ugh. I was frustrated, irritated and feeling defensive.

Anyway, the game was cold but fun. The Giant's (of course) lost badly. Best part was that the baseball player I hooked up with in college now plays for the Giant's and struck out last night. I definitely did a little dance and gave a little cheer for his failure. :) I know, I'm bad.

Mr. Lawyer called again last night before I went to the gym. I asked him when he was going to just STOP. What was the point of the phone calls? The visits? Any of it? He says he doesn't know what he wants and yet he's the one who broke my heart. He still wants to talk to me, see me, hang out with me and I don't know why. When I ask, he says he just enjoys being around me. So, then why did you break up with me asshole? He doesn't seem to have an answer for that.

I'm over feeling angry so I've just been very level-headed and honest with him about the whole thing and how it makes me feel. Instead of acting like I don't care about him, I just ask him over and over if he understands what he does to me when he calls all the time and if he realizes how hard that it is for me to get over it and move on. He says he's not sure that we're over forever - well what are you sure of?

A part of me (obviously) still wants him back in my life but another part of me questions his motives. And when I tell him that up-front, he seems offended like I should know that his intentions are good. I feel like there is no way for me to know that - he didn't communicate with me when we broke up and he was pretty rude about the whole thing.

I am not sure how I feel right now. I am not sure I could trust him to be dependable and there for me.

On another note, I blew off The Reverend (yet again!!!) last night. I mean we didn't exactly make plans or anything but he seemed all disappointed that I couldn't make time for him last night or tonight. I guess he leaves for a week on Wednesday. I had legitimate excuses for not hanging out. Monday was Monday - I wanted to go to the gym after work and organize/clean my life and apartment. And tonight, I'm headed to the Giant's game with the girls. I'm not sure how I feel about someone being so needy and dependent all the time so we'll see if this last another date or not. He's gone for a week on Wednesday....that will give me some much needed space/time.

Tomorrow night, I have a date with Mr. Midwest. We're meeting at Bin38 after I get back from track. We'll see how that one goes.

Excited for the game tonight - almost time!! WOO HOO!

So after my wonderfully late night on Friday night, I got up on Saturday, had a little argument with Mr. Lawyer and then put on my game face for the Union Street Fair festivities. I met up with C and N at a house party filled with hot sausages. It was seriously like hot guy central - everywhere I turned, there were more hot athletic guys. It was a pretty decent party. :)

After a vodka soda, I started to mingle a little more. I met Mr. Midwest right as The Reverend was making his way with his friend J to the party. I gave my number to Mr. Midwest right in front of The Reverend (probably pretty obviously) and I could see the jealousy on his face. Whatever though - he's not my boyfriend. He tried to put his arm around me like he was claiming his territory and I shrugged it off like any normal single girl on the prowl would do. As the party started to die down, the group of us made our way towards the festival and decided to stop in at Perry's.

Perry's was another can of worms. The first person I ran into was The Guy I Blew Off. The Guy I Blew Off walked up to me and said, "how do I know you?" I said, "I'm not sure but you do look familiar." He said, "wait, what's your name?" And when I answered, it clicked and he realized we'd met at Harry's some time ago. He had persistently called (to no avail) for about a week. I never called him back. We kind of awkwardly joked about and then he introduced me to his group of buddies saying, "he guys this is that chick that blew me off - remember her from Harry's??" AWESOME. I see The Reverend getting jealous and pissed from the corner of my eye and it irritates me. The Guy I Blew Off comes over and says hi to the girls - N tells him how annoying he is - which was totally funny and fantastic. Then, we meet this other group of guys who were just totally funny and start telling them our names are Basil, Oregano, and Cinnamon (us meaning the girls obviously). I'm still not quite sure how that started - but we deemed ourselves the Spice Girls for the rest of the night. FUNTASTIC. Why I picked Oregano (the least sexy of the spices), I'm not sure. My girlfriends laughed at me (rightly so) and asked why not Saffron, or Pepper or even Nutmeg? Anything but Oregano. But I'd already picked it. Then, my girlfriend M showed up with guy friend M and we started boat racing beers in the middle of Perry's (yes, we really did this) followed by borrowing a flash light and getting down to search for M's lost memory card....at some point, Perry's became a lot less interesting and we decided to head to a bar.

Not sure which bar - that is all a little fuzzy. C and N left and I ended up with just The Reverend, his buddy J and these two totally random girls. I don't remember one of the girl's names but the other (no joke) was named Darling. I usually dont post real names but for the sake of capturing all that is great about this night, I have to talk about the fact that I met a girl whose real name is Darling. Hahah. So, I sort of remember doing some combo of swing and ballroom dancing in the middle of the bar followed by too many drinks...and I'm pretty sure we almost closed the place down. The next thing I know we're at my kitchen table with more vodka and tons of junk food. We're wasted. Darling, J, The Reverend, myself and the other random chick. Then, all of a sudden, its morning. The Reverend and random chick are sleeping in my bed with me. Darling and J are on the floor in the hallway. Totally freaking crazy. They leave at 5 something in the morning and I continue to sleep off my horrible headache.

The Reverend kept calling to hang out last night but I was just kind of over it. I really don't feel like spending that much time with one person and I'm not sure I'm really even feeling him. I just don't want things to move so quickly so I just made up an excuse to get out of it. Good thinking...I was so much happier to be a bum yesterday and recover from my liver damaging experience on Saturday night. :)

And this is why I am a college freshman.