2 posts tagged “hurt”

I'm no longer beating myself up for getting textual with an old flame the other week - I've realized now that its not my fault. If Mr. Lawyer doesn't pay attention to me, touch me, lust for me then what does he expect me to do? I realize now that it wasn't an emotional thing at all - it wasn't feelings of love that drove me to get textual with an ex- it was pure lust and desire to be touched and to be aroused. And what's wrong with that? Nothing physical happened. We didn't have a secret rendevouz and hump like rabbits - we merely reminisced about our sexual past. So, oh well. No real harm, no foul.

I'm starting to think that maybe he's the one missing out on me - aka a great thing. That if he doesn't start showing me the affection and attention that I expect, then he's about to miss out big time because he will lose me. And, I know I flip flop and have mood swings and sometimes need some reminding - aka a slap in the face - in the end, I am realizing more and more that I have to stop blaming myself when things go wrong. There are times that I need to blame myself, of course, like when its actually my fault. But I know that this isn't one of those times because I haven't done anything wrong (yet).

I think he thinks he thinks he can take me for granted and doesn't quite know what he'd be giving up if he gave up on me. And maybe he doesn't think I'm much to give up - which is ok too - but I do, I think I'm a lot to give up and that's what counts.

I had a little wine outburst this weekend with my two friends. The emotions had really taken hold of me - emotions about everything namely the way he was making me feel - and I sort of took it out on my two girlfriends. Thankfully, they don't hate me (or at least I don't think they do) and thankfully I am moving to get past that.

Maybe when Mr. Lawyer and I break up which I am pretty sure will happen sooner than later, I'll take what I've learned from falling in love (again) and getting hurt (again) to better myself and stop worrying about douche bags like him (and yes, he deserves a name today - he hasn't been very nice to me). Maybe I'll just give up the dating scene for awhile altogether and just go on having fun.

Who needs to be tied down anyway? What's so important about finding a "mate?"