What happened?

So last night was the most confusing and horrible night of my life. My world just kind of shattered. Here I was blabbering on about how wonderful my relationship was and how in love I am and then boom, it all comes crumbling down and I'm still not sure why.

A friend of mine's company was throwing an AdTech after party at Bong Su so I invited Mr. Lawyer to join - free appetizers, drinks and lots of people. He gets there - everything's fine - he's smiling, we're normal. Half way through the cocktail hour, the waitress accidentally spills an entire tray of blue martinis on me...in my hair, all over my back...totally awful and humiliating. So instead of crying, I'm just kind of frozen. When he doesn't really offer to  help me and doesn't offer sympathy, I get super upset and just say, "please, can you for once stand by my side?" because he was defending the waitress and so on and so forth. His response, "why don't you find someone else then?" "WHAT?" Then, my heart just sinks and my legs feel weak. I stand there dripping, frozen to that spot in the bar and I feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes. He says, "let's get out of here..." and we go to his car. He comes up, lies down on my bed and stares off.

He says, "I don't think its working." I say, "what? why?" He says, "I'm not 100% sure about you - and I'm not sure if we should keep doing this if I'm still unsure." Sting. Major sting. I plead, cry, ask for answers but he doesn't want to talk. He starts packing up all his things eventually. I'm crying. He comes back in the room at some point and we talk. I tell him I'm not ready to lose him, I love him, how can this be happening and so on and so forth. He is pretty adamant that its just how he feels. He ends up staying. I literally stayed up all night beside him - watched the clock 2, 3, 4, 5 am. I finally fell asleep a little after 5 but had to be awake an hour and some later so that didn't do me much good. 

We got up and took a shower. I tried talking again. He said he didn't have an answer whether we were done for good or not. He said he was unsure. What? He said if I needed the decision right then and there then he was going to go pack up all his things and get out of my place for good. Sting 2. I couldn't stand anymore and literally just slumped over and cried in my hands on the shower floor. "Why, why, why?"...and more crying..."please don't do this...I love you..." etc.

After the shower, we tried to talk some more. He got angry and didn't really want to. I cried some more. He left and kissed me on the mouth. I emailed him as soon as he left. Basically saying the same things. Don't throw this away - how can you do this? Why are you doing this? What's the reason? I don't understand. He wrote back, let's talk this afternoon.

So that's that. Where that leave us - I don't know. All I know is that I'm sitting at work trying not to cry. I've got a busy day and then I'm supposed to have my big race this weekend...not good to be exhausted but what can I do?  My relationship is probably ending and I'm back to square 1.

I'm still in shock. Total and complete disbelief that this is happening. Things felt so right. But he's "unsure."