The San Francisco Dating Chronicles

My weekend deserved three posts - one for the horny teen-ager, the other for the sailing adventure and the third for my 18K race (the Mt. Tam Wild Boar 18K). When I first woke up at 5:30, I was wondering why I'd signed up to race at all. Then my ride got to my place and we drove up through Marin on a very beautiful morning and I instantly cheered up. I got out to the start and about 33 or so people from my club were there ready to race. It was exciting to see everyone. One girl, A, who I haven't seen in years was there with her very handsome roommate, The Tri Guy. God, he was attractive. She mentioned that she'd like to introduce me to him - so I'm thinking - yes, yes, yes. He eventually comes over before the race starts and says hello (mind you - this is before 8 am on Saturday morning and I have no make-up on and basically look like shit).

We set off to run - he was doing the 10K and I the 18K. As I finish the race, I see him near the finish line. He comes up and says, "hey, wow - excellent run!" I'm all smiles. We continue to chat for a bit and then I excuse myself to go cheer on others in my club. After everyone finished racing, we all headed over to P's house for after-run brunch. The Tri Guy came too (hooray!!).  I do my best to pay him some attention but not too much. He definitely was paying attentinon.

After the brunch, I realized we never did exchange numbers. I'm not sure I want to reach out to my friend A to make it happen or just be patient and hope he and I find one another again somehow soon....

I'm signing my ass up for more races. Hooray!

In the midst of The Horny Teen-ager madness this weekend, I also managed to go on this amazing sailing trip with this guy who I semi-dated (who know has a girlfriend) before Mr. Lawyer and a few of his friends. It was the most amazing thing I've ever done - we were out on the water for close to 6 hours - spray of the ocean, the cold wind, the thrill (I honestly never knew sailing could be so thrilling) and the group.

I was a little nervous to go along at first being that I only knew The Tall Hot Blonde (guy I dated before Mr. Lawyer) but showed up at the Pier anyway. I had finished an 18K race earlier in the day so was feeling a little tired but ready for another adventure. When I got there, it was just me and him. We chatted, caught up, and he gave me a tour of the boat which happened to be 50 years old!! Then, his friends started arriving until there were 12 of us - and two happened to be cute, single, and very eligible guys. I was a happy girl. There was also a couple on the boat, G and L, who were ridiculously nice and fun.

We sailed all around the bay together - from the Pier, around Alcatraz and back to the Piers to watch the big KFOG Kaboom concert. We didn't have an anchor so we literally just drifted around the general area where the concert was taking place, had some champagne and chatted. Then, we watched the fireworks from the water....and returned to land. By the time we got back to the docks, it was close too 11 pm and I was exhausted! One of the cute, single eligible guys, also known as The CEO, drove me home and asked for my number so he could take me out to dinner (sushi dinner to be exact). So we'll see.

The other guy, Mr. Ocean Beach is still a bit of a mystery. I wonder if I'll run into him again....or how I will run into him again....muah hahahaha muah hahahah...

I met this English guy who we'll call The Horny Teen-ager at Circa a week or so ago (yes, the same place where I got dumped a week ago by Mr. Lawyer). From the get-go, I knew The Horny Teen-ager was too young for me. I mean, we're only technically less than a year apart but in mental age, I'd say we're more like a decade apart.

For the first date, we grabbed a drink the night after we met. The first thing I noticed was that he was a total pretty boy - too much gel in the hair, a pseudo faux -hawk, and way way overly expensive jeans. While I understand that he's European, I still wasn't a fan. He has a total babyface so we got carded the minute we sat down at A16 which I definitely thought was funny. Anyway, all in all the first date was ok. The second date was dinner. I had a race early the next morning so told him I couldn't stay out late and nor did I want to. We went to Panta Rei in North Beach - I could sense he was hoping I wasn't too hungry although he did pay. After the restaurant, we grabbed a beer at Tony Nick's and he made a play for my face. Literally tried to suck me up in one swipe. I did the not so fast hand maneuver and somehow got him off of me gracefully. We said goodnight and he didn't seem too miffed by the whole thing - well, except he called me a cab from the corner but didn't offer to pay. So, he called and texted all weekend. He was dying to see me again so he proposed a Sunday night movie. I had some errands to run so we went to the Haight first, grabbed some food and then headed back to the Marina to catch a flick. I noticed during dinner that he was sporting a hicky on his neck. I laughed to myself. Then, we looked up movie times and nothing was playing till way way late and I was pretty over having to hang out with him for that many hours. But low and behold, I didn't have to. He instantly went for it - pounced on me and tried sucking my face off again. He got upset that I wouldn't kiss back and then only tried harder. I called him out on the hicky. First, he tried to tell me it was from wrestling with the guys (and I'm thinking or your middle school aged girlfriend?) and then he admitted to his little love fest the night before. He came up with a million and one excuses about his drunken state and why it happened all while I kept insisting that it didn't matter to me either way. Eventually, he pounced again - only this time I could feel him on my leg - GROSS!! So I swatted at him and said, "down boy..you remind me of a horny teen-ager..." He got off, looked wounded and made some jack-ass remark about my sex drive (as I'm thinking - what do you know little man) to repair his own ego. I let it go.

He left without saying goodbye. I laughed myself downstairs to give the download to my girlfriend B. Later, I received several text messages from him saying how cool of a chick I was, and how much he liked  me. Right. I wrote back in the nicest manner I know how, "Aw, thanks but I think its best we're just friends. We're on a different page in our lives right now. I wish you all the best in your SF adventures and to many more hicky-filled nights. Cheers, Jski."

I thought that would be the end but got a text from him this morning asking me to grab dinner with him later in the week. Are you serious? Boys..teen-agers...geez.

I did some major retail therapy yesterday and realized break-ups can be good for one thing. I bought my very first size 24 pair of Seven jeans ever!!! I'm so excited. I know many people would wonder why the f* I care...and if you do, well just know that I'm a total girl about these things.

I had time to kill before meeting Mr. Analyst (the guy I met in NYC during my client's media dinner) and his friends frmo business school for drinks. We were meeting at the Westin on Market so I figured I'd go to Bloomie's since it was only a block away. Bad move. I spent way toooo much. But, maybe it was just what I needed.

Anyway, met up with Mr. Analyst and his buddy at the Westin bar, Ducca and had a couple of glasses of wine. Then, we went to Ozumo and had this amazing sushi dinner and sake. YUM!! We closed down the place talking....it was totally fun...and the best part was, I got out of there without spending a dime. When I glanced at the open bill (about $400), I thanked the lord that it wasn't my card going in there. :)

Tonight, I'm headed out with Mr. English boy for dinner but can't stay out late. I have a race in the morning and have to be up early and ready to run...

Tomorrow is also sailing day..we'll see how it all pans out.

So Mr. Lawyer and I are officially over. There's no real rhyme or reason - other than the simple fact that he doesn't love me and doesn't think he can love me. Its just so weird because he was being super boyfriend the whole night and then out of nowhere breaks up with me. I've had a week to sort of brood over it. I've had the ups and downs, the tears, the heartache and the many conversations with my girlfriends....but none if it will change what has already happened. Oh well. There's nothing more to do now - its time to just move on.

Mr. Psycho Hose Beast Ex has also been back. He sent me an email saying basically that he wanted to finally come clean. Apparently, when all the badness and madness (as I like to call it) was happening...all the shit that caused us to finally call off our engagement and basically drive each other mad, was a result of his coke habit that I had no idea he had. He emailed me this long explanation of how now that he's clean, he realizes that he's fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him. He turned away from me instead of asking for my help and now he wants my forgiveness and understanding. I've forgiven friends for drugs. I've never held a grudge but how do you let someone back into your life who royally fucked up your heart, your ability to believe and to love? I just don't know...

On a lighter note, the dating blog is back. I'm officially single and am going out (again) like a mad woman. Trying to keep busy and my mind off of things...I am once again a serial dater extraordinaire!

Met Mr. English Boy last week at a bar. I was rude to him - told him I thought he was an arrogant prick. He asked for my number and I thought, what the hell. He called me the next day and wanted to grab a drink so I agreed to meet him at A16. He's really nice, and has that funny boy English charm but I think he may just be too young for me. He's a year younger than me - and I know that's not a lot but it still feels a bit like robbing the cradle. He seems smart too - sales for Intel - and they flew him out from London to do that and gave him some snazzy downtown apartment - so we'll see. He's been persistent - we're doing dinner tomorrow night somewhere in North Beach.

Tonight, I'm meeting up with a friend of mine and his friends from business school. He's an analyst from New York who I met on my last business trip - he was a guest at one of the media dinners we threw and we hit it off. He's young, cute and smart -  but this isn't technically a date - just dinner, catching up and meeting his friends. Plus, I'm pretty sure he must think I have a man...or at least if he's paid any attention to my Facebook page...

Saturday, I'm going sailing with some people....so yeah...busy weekend already...life of a party girl begins NOW!!!!

I'm no longer beating myself up for getting textual with an old flame the other week - I've realized now that its not my fault. If Mr. Lawyer doesn't pay attention to me, touch me, lust for me then what does he expect me to do? I realize now that it wasn't an emotional thing at all - it wasn't feelings of love that drove me to get textual with an ex- it was pure lust and desire to be touched and to be aroused. And what's wrong with that? Nothing physical happened. We didn't have a secret rendevouz and hump like rabbits - we merely reminisced about our sexual past. So, oh well. No real harm, no foul.

I'm starting to think that maybe he's the one missing out on me - aka a great thing. That if he doesn't start showing me the affection and attention that I expect, then he's about to miss out big time because he will lose me. And, I know I flip flop and have mood swings and sometimes need some reminding - aka a slap in the face - in the end, I am realizing more and more that I have to stop blaming myself when things go wrong. There are times that I need to blame myself, of course, like when its actually my fault. But I know that this isn't one of those times because I haven't done anything wrong (yet).

I think he thinks he thinks he can take me for granted and doesn't quite know what he'd be giving up if he gave up on me. And maybe he doesn't think I'm much to give up - which is ok too - but I do, I think I'm a lot to give up and that's what counts.

I had a little wine outburst this weekend with my two friends. The emotions had really taken hold of me - emotions about everything namely the way he was making me feel - and I sort of took it out on my two girlfriends. Thankfully, they don't hate me (or at least I don't think they do) and thankfully I am moving to get past that.

Maybe when Mr. Lawyer and I break up which I am pretty sure will happen sooner than later, I'll take what I've learned from falling in love (again) and getting hurt (again) to better myself and stop worrying about douche bags like him (and yes, he deserves a name today - he hasn't been very nice to me). Maybe I'll just give up the dating scene for awhile altogether and just go on having fun.

Who needs to be tied down anyway? What's so important about finding a "mate?"

I did a bad, bad thing. I flirted with temptation - possibly with disaster.

Mr. Lawyer and I are still "together" but something is strange, not right. We had this long talk after the break-up and he decided he wasn't really ready to be broken up, that he wanted to keep trying. Problem is - for how long? And what is his reason? I can't help but keep wondering? Is he waiting for that chick to come around and see how wonderful is he? Or is it something else entirely? He tells me its because he's "not certain..." and felt "trapped."

I went and ran my relay and had a f*ing fantastic time this past weekend. Sometimes doing something challenging that you're good at can be the BEST ego boost in the world and it was definitely what I was needing. I left for the weekend, didn't contact him at all - gave him his SPACE - and he ended up contacting me and acting like "Super Boyfriend" for a day or so. Now, we're sort of back to where we were. He was being distant last night and acting bored. I told him he should go out, do something with his friends - I was working. He stayed anyway. I wanted to have sex, to make love to be touched and I got nothing for the past several days.

Yesterday, an old flame reappeared in my inbox. One of those flames that sort of passion-wise never went out. We started chatting over email casually - it was small talk - how are you? life? family? friends? Then, it got downright dirty. Somehow we started reminiscing about this entirely wonderful passionate weekend and then it sort of became email sex. Jesus! I've never done something like that before. It almost went too far - and then I thought to myself, what am I doing? I feel terrible about it - I've never cheated - and while I didn't do anything physical, a part of me feels very guilty for even thinking/talking about it. I don't know what to think now - if he doesn't start to pay attention to me soon, I don't know if I can keep being there for him.

Ugh - no more emailing dirty messages though. I've got to keep that one under wraps or my IT guy is going to find out. :)

So last night was the most confusing and horrible night of my life. My world just kind of shattered. Here I was blabbering on about how wonderful my relationship was and how in love I am and then boom, it all comes crumbling down and I'm still not sure why.

A friend of mine's company was throwing an AdTech after party at Bong Su so I invited Mr. Lawyer to join - free appetizers, drinks and lots of people. He gets there - everything's fine - he's smiling, we're normal. Half way through the cocktail hour, the waitress accidentally spills an entire tray of blue martinis on me...in my hair, all over my back...totally awful and humiliating. So instead of crying, I'm just kind of frozen. When he doesn't really offer to  help me and doesn't offer sympathy, I get super upset and just say, "please, can you for once stand by my side?" because he was defending the waitress and so on and so forth. His response, "why don't you find someone else then?" "WHAT?" Then, my heart just sinks and my legs feel weak. I stand there dripping, frozen to that spot in the bar and I feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes. He says, "let's get out of here..." and we go to his car. He comes up, lies down on my bed and stares off.

He says, "I don't think its working." I say, "what? why?" He says, "I'm not 100% sure about you - and I'm not sure if we should keep doing this if I'm still unsure." Sting. Major sting. I plead, cry, ask for answers but he doesn't want to talk. He starts packing up all his things eventually. I'm crying. He comes back in the room at some point and we talk. I tell him I'm not ready to lose him, I love him, how can this be happening and so on and so forth. He is pretty adamant that its just how he feels. He ends up staying. I literally stayed up all night beside him - watched the clock 2, 3, 4, 5 am. I finally fell asleep a little after 5 but had to be awake an hour and some later so that didn't do me much good. 

We got up and took a shower. I tried talking again. He said he didn't have an answer whether we were done for good or not. He said he was unsure. What? He said if I needed the decision right then and there then he was going to go pack up all his things and get out of my place for good. Sting 2. I couldn't stand anymore and literally just slumped over and cried in my hands on the shower floor. "Why, why, why?"...and more crying..."please don't do this...I love you..." etc.

After the shower, we tried to talk some more. He got angry and didn't really want to. I cried some more. He left and kissed me on the mouth. I emailed him as soon as he left. Basically saying the same things. Don't throw this away - how can you do this? Why are you doing this? What's the reason? I don't understand. He wrote back, let's talk this afternoon.

So that's that. Where that leave us - I don't know. All I know is that I'm sitting at work trying not to cry. I've got a busy day and then I'm supposed to have my big race this weekend...not good to be exhausted but what can I do?  My relationship is probably ending and I'm back to square 1.

I'm still in shock. Total and complete disbelief that this is happening. Things felt so right. But he's "unsure."

This weekend was a blazing 80 degrees in San Francisco - absolutely gorgeous and oh so rare!

Friday night was my surprise dinner. Mr. Lawyer and I went to NOPA on Divisadero and Fulton and it was absolutely amazing. I ordered some sort of beet salad with goat cheese and the halibut - all really tasty - I also had a few glasses of wine. He ordered a salad and the lamb shank (I didn't taste either). It was a nice evening  - we were pleasant and the evening went really smooth - really, without a single hitch. When we got home, my roommate and her boyfriend were up drinking a bottle of wine and we chatted with them for a few before heading into the bedroom for some really amazing sex.

In the morning, he left early - around 7:30 or so to go surfing - apparently there were waves. The weather was so beautiful that I decided I shoudl get out of bed early too. I headed up to Mt. Tam for a run and ended up running for a good two hours soaking up the sun and climbing the mountain. It was a really nice run and put me in the best mood. On my drive home, he called and wanted to know what I was up to, maybe get lunch then go to a party at the Beach Chalet. I said, sure to all of it. He asked me to call when I got closer to home. When I did - he was napping and really irritable - said, forget lunch. So I showered, got myself together for the rest of the afternoon and then he called (all chipper this time) and was ready to come over and was ready for lunch. Grrr. I was over lunch at that point so he grabbed a quick sanwhich and we headed over to Beach Chalet with his roommate. We met up with some of his roommate's friends who were all really nice - my only complaint was that we were sitting INSIDE on a beautiful day. I finally conviced my man and the roommie to head outside with our drinks. The sun felt amazing. After a couple of drinks, we decided to head over to his friend's BBQ in lower Pac Heights - all law school friends. Again, everyone was really nice - well everyone except this girl R who I"ve met at several functions. She is never nice to me. I'm not sure why but I get this awful vibe from her and I pretty much dread seeing her. She has a boyfriend - a serious boyfriend so I don't think her hatred is because she wants my guy or anything....but anyway. The BBQ wasn't all that exciting. He left me for a good deal of time talking to his boring law school friends but I dealt with it and smiled about it anyway. We stayed till sunset and then dropped his roommate off at his place and continued on to meet my roommate and her bf at Shanghai Kelly's because I'd left my keys in the apartment. I don't think he really wanted to stay but I convinced him to go in for a drink anyway. We had a few drinks. We met there and a part of me kind of liked being there with him again. Afterward, we went back to my place and he was passed out almost immediately. Oh well.

Yesterday, he got up early to surf again but this time asked me to head out to Ocean Beach with him which was a nice change. I laid out for about two hours while he surfed in the early morning sunlight - it was really nice. Then, my friends called and said they were BBQing in Golden Gate Park so we got the sand off our feet and went and met them and their kickball team there. It was me, J, Y, C N, and Mr. Lawyer - eating turkey dogs, drinking Blue Moons and enjoying the sunshine and heckling the kickballers. Before too long, Mr. Lawyer decided he was leaving to get some work done and I stayed on with my friends. We closed down the park and made our way towards my house. It was just J and I at this point - my other friend N was texting and wanted to meet up - so we decided to dinner at Mamacita's (again, again, again) - and A and C met up with us as well. Lots of fun but too much food. I still feel sick.

During dinner, he was texting me. We had said we were going to do laundry last night and he was concerned it would close if we (or I) didn't start it before long. I said, sorry no can do, at dinner. So he came by to get my keys. He was very nice (surprisingly) and started the laundry. When we got back, I was so out of it. We put the laundry in the dryer and then I passed out almost immediately - too much sun and way too much food.

This morning, he went down and got our laundry and woke me up calling me his "little crawfish" or his "little lobester" which I sort of loved - more the fact that he said "MY little lobster" and "MY little crawfish." That was nice despite the fact he was pointing out my bad sunburn - ooops.

Anyway, hoping this trend continues. Still waiting for an L-Bomb - wondering if that will ever happen?

I've had a frustrating morning. I spent about an hour and a half in the AT&T store trying to set up my "new" or rather refurbished Palm Treo 680 that I just purchased from AT&T's website this past week and it has been a pure nightmare. I received the phone yesterday and had my IT guy at work sync it with my work email which went surprisingly smooth so I thought I'd go in on my way to work this morning and have them sync up my contacts from my old phone - not so smooth. The guy apparently had no idea what he was doing, was kind of a jerk about it and then...when I told them that the phone didn't come with a stylus as it was supposed to, they basically told me you're shit out of luck. I sat on teh phone in tne Cingular store basically bitching out the customer service rep for her very poor customer service and the fact that they're still not sending me a stylus that is blatantly missing from my "new" phone. And what's more - the only option they gave me was to return this phone, go through the WHOLE process again and purchase a new, different phone for more $$$!!! Talk about annoying. I think the woman I spoke with is not going to have a very pleasant day after speaking with me - and I do feel bad for her - what a shitty job.

Anyway, you'd think that would've spoiled my mood...it didn't. Last night was another wonderful night with the man. I went to the gym and then my soccer game (got home around 8:30). He came over right when I got home and was being all sweet and loving. I don't know if its my good mood rubbing off on him or what but whatever it is, its working. We're almost "back to normal" - to that place we were before I started questioning, getting jealous, having doubts and being negative. Once I pushed the negativity away, its like we just started over. We're honeymooning again. He wants to touch me again, hold me and lie in bed with me in the morning. Its so nice. And the best part, I'm maintaining what I told myself would be my new leaf - to be positive and let things ride. I'm no longer pushing anything, I'm not checking the phone, asking jealous questions or otherwise being negative. Its F*ING paying off so thank god for wake up calls! This morning he came up behind me while I was getting ready and started kissing my shoulders...he said, "what are we doing this weekend?" I said I didn't have a clue. He said, "let's get a bite to eat tonight. I have an idea - its a surprise." A real surprise? Can it be? I'm so excited - I can hardly contain myself at work today.

Its so beautiful out - like 70 some degrees and sunny. Perfect day. I'm going to run right after work and then get ready for my dinner surprise. YAY!